True Self
by Ship Stethan
Summary: <html><head></head>Full summary inside. They'd thought the Nogitsune was gone, but it wasn't. Stiles must embrace himself fully and truly to banish it, but just who is Genim Stilinski, and is he an even greater darkness than the trickster? S4 AU. Eventual Sterek. Real dark plot.</html>
1. Chapter 1

True Self

Summary: The Nogitsune can only possess people that lose their true self. Stiles lost his true self long ago, he stopped being Genim. There are still so many aspects of himself he fears, and the people they could cause him to lose.

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One

Stiles shivered at the icy coldness that had invaded his room. He'd woken up mere moments ago, but the arctic-like air was much better than coffee. Maybe his dad had left the AC on high?

He huffed and rose to his feet. What an annoyance. He'd have to walk downstairs to adjust the thermostat.

He gripped the doorknob and turned it. When he stepped forward it definitely wasn't into the second floor hallway. He found himself in the school surrounded by total silence and lockers.

Stiles knew his bedroom wouldn't be there anymore before he even turned around. Instead the double doors into the pool area were ajar.

He stepped forward, or perhaps he was being driven forward by something beyond himself. He wasn't sure.

Ethan and Danny were holding one another close, turning to look at him when he stepped through the doors.

His mind went back to the night he'd kept Derek afloat in that very pool, but the recollection was brief.

Ethan smirked at him knowingly, running teasing fingers up Danny's well-defined stomach and chest.

"Like what you see Stiles?" Ethan teased.

Danny matched Ethan's smirk, pulling him forward into a searing kiss. Stiles couldn't unglue himself from it, and his brain wasn't denying it- Ethan's lips, insistent, grinding, matched by Danny with equal fervor. It was hot.

Desire ignited in Stiles. He was suddenly and forcefully jerked forward, sure he would fall in the pool.

His eyes shot open. He was in the school hall again, and this time the doors to the pool were shut tight.

"Ethan?" he asked, voice loud in the dead silence. "Danny?"

A sudden bang broke the silence. The noise sounded again, and then again...

Stiles knew it was inside the lockers. He didn't know why he was walking forward. He didn't want to know...

He reached his own locker. The banging was louder.

His hand shook as he reached out for the combonation lock- right, left, right.

The lock clicked, sounding ominous in the silence.

The banging had stopped. For some reason the lock wasn't even there anymore. He turned the handle and pulled.

Suddenly it was all gone, locker and everything. He was in an empty classroom. Something was making a tapping noise.

He turned and saw a figure in a red hoodie at the chalkboard. Their back was turned. They were writing something that had already been written eight times- the same line:

Things I don't tell people...

Things I don't tell people...

Things I don't...

The figure finished the line and stopped, a pale hand setting the chalk aside. Fear flooded through Stiles head to toe.

The figure was turning. Stiles screamed and shot up in his bed, coated in sweat, as the face within that hoodie replayed in his mind- that bandaged and horrible face they'd believed was gone.

"Stiles?"

His gaze shot to the side of his bed. There was a man seated in his computer chair.

"Derek?" he asked strangely.

Then he was simply gone. Stiles was looking at an empty chair and no Derek.

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Stiles simply stood and stared at the metal doors, knowing the older man would not be pleased. Derek might be human now, but his strength still outclassed Stiles's.

It occurred to the boy that if Derek still possessed his werewolf sense of smell he'd be out there already.

Stiles hesitated only a moment more. He knocked.

It was about a minute and he almost knocked again, but then the door swung open.

Derek eyed him through sleep-heavy eyelids and yawned. He was wearing pajama pants and a white t-shirt that looked glued to his prominent abs and chest muscles.

"What is it Stiles?" he grumbled, running his fingers through messy black hair.

"Nightmare," the boy blurted. "He was in it."

Derek managed a slightly more concerned look, even in his half-sleep state.

"The Nogitsune?"

"The one and only," Stiles confirmed, nervous at the memory of the horrid bandaged monster.

"I thought Scott destroyed it," Derek said, slightly confused.

"Yeah well apparently not," Stiles sighed, massaging between his eyes with his fingers. "Immortal dark spirit here!"

"You're still somehow opening the door Stiles. Something you're doing and not telling. We've had this discussion."

"Yeah I know," Stiles replied. "Its just, I'm still coming to terms with all I am."

"Which is?" Derek asked, quipping an eyebrow.

The image of Ethan and Danny from the dream flashed before his eyes along with a more distant memory:

'Scott, do you think gay guys find me attractive?'

"Stiles!"

Derek's voice brought him crashing back to reality.

"Look, can I just camp out with you tonight? It'd help."

Derek only took a few seconds to nod.

Stiles stepped past him into the familiar loft. The place had grown on him in its ways. He found himself wishing not for the first time that Derek would want him here, as a roommate or something. Derek made him feel safe.

"Well there's the couch," Derek said, stepping toward the stairs.

"Derek."

The older man paused and grunted.

"Can I... sleep with... "

Derek's face snapped around to lock gazes with him, eyebrows raised skeptically.

"Well," he hesitated. "I suppose."

Stiles whooped and zipped past him, ADHD propelling him up the stairs. He literally jumped into the soft embrace of the king size bed.

"Getting ahead of ourselves aren't we?"

Stiles felt the bed shift as it took on Derek's additional weight. The former werewolf immediately flopped onto his back, gazing at the ceiling like it was interesting.

"You know," Stiles began with a snark. "This kinda reminds me... "

"I will seriously murder you," Derek warned. "Now go to sleep."

"Grumpy," Stiles emphasized. "Goodnight asshole."

"Bitch," Derek shot back

"You wish."

"Stiles just stop talking!"


	2. Chapter 2

Two

Stiles first became aware of the feeling of being pressed against something rock solid. They definitely weren't in the position they'd fallen asleep in. His eyes opened and he immediately threw up his hand to block the bright light of morning.

He became aware of his head lying back against Derek's chest and the protective arm draped over him.

Derek's mouth was slightly ajar accompanied by a steady snore. Okay- so they had something in common.

Stiles actually smiled like an idiot about it all and snuggled further into Derek. The former wolf groaned sleepily and curved his body, pulling Stiles almost directly against him now.

It felt so safe to Stiles, so right. Any fantasies her may have had about cuddling with Derek couldn't compare to the real deal.

"Mmmm," Derek mumbled, eyes opening slowly to meet Stiles's own. "Morning."

"Morning yourself."

"Ugh, what time is it?"

"Coffee," Stiles replied like it had just smacked him in the head.

"Good idea," Derek agreed yawning.

Stiles was already halfway down the stairs. Soon the loft was permeated with the perky, bold smell of java.

Derek stepped into the kitchen just in time to be handed a steaming mug.

"Thanks," he said, eying Stiles as though he still found this slightly strange.

"See? I'm useful."

"Mmm hm," Derek grunted into his coffee, clearly not looking to argue.

Stiles decided that was enough effort for now, taking a healthy swig of his own coffee.

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"Nightmares?"

Scott was frowning with worried eyes. He'd even paused their X Box game.

"Stiles this doesn't sound like its 'not serious'."

"I'm fine really."

"Well just don't try handling this alone again," Scott advised. "You know there's a solution for this."

"No," Stiles said firmly. "I'm fine staying human. Ask Derek."

"He agrees its not a good idea Stiles, seeing as we don't know the full nature of this change to human. My bite could kill him."

"Could kill me," Stiles pointed out.

Scott eyed him a little curiously.

"Have you ever thought about it even?"

"More times than you know," Stiles sighed. "I get tired of being weak and human admittedly."

"So why don't you?"

"My mom," he replied quietly.

After that an uneasy silence seemed to cover them like a veil.

"She told me to be me Scott- Stiles. Be her Stiles."

Scott looked at him strangely.

"You say it like you're not."

"Well my name isn't Stiles you know, and there's a few things you don't know about me."

"I'm your best friend dude," Scott reminded him. "So tell me."

Stiles bit at his bottom lip nervously and inhaled.

"I'm not ready. Not yet. I'll tell you something else though. My real name."

He suddenly did want to say it. He'd carried it so many years, like some part of him kept hidden away.

"My name," Stiles said awkwardly, running his fingers through his hair nervously. "Its uh- Genim."

"Huh?" Scott asked like he must be kidding.

"Jen-um," Stiles repeated. "Yeah, its really my name."

"What's it mean?"

"No idea," Stiles answered honestly.

ohohohoho

"Hey Derek."

"Hm?"

The older man looked up from his papers on the counter.

"I wanted to tell you something," Stiles explained. "I told Scott, so I'd like you to know too, because I trust you."

Derek eyed him with both surprise and sudden admiration.

"You really trust me?"

"I do," Stiles nodded. "My name is Genim."

Derek looked surprised yet again, but when he finally spoke it wasn't to tease.

"Why now? This sudden openess about your name St- Genim?"

"Because its part of me- my self. Something the Nogitsune can't exploit anymore. From now on I'm me, so there's something else- I'm bi."

"So am I," Derek shrugged.

"Wait," Stiles stammered. "Whoa! What?"

"I'm bi," Derek repeated like it was no big deal.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"You never asked," Derek smirked.

"You got me there- so, did you know about me?"

" I had my suspicions," Derek admitted. "You aren't exactly subtle."

"Hey now mister... "

Derek snorted and clapped Stiles on the back like they were suddenly the best of friends.

To tell the truth, neither of them knew why Stiles was back at the loft rather than at home, but neither of them mentioned it. It simply was.


	3. Chapter 3

Three

Stiles snuggled contentedly against Derek, sighing softly.

His brain suddenly lit up when the hard mass he'd been snuggling with was gone. He looked around frantically. There was no Derek.

"Stiles," a voice rasped, seeming to carry on the very air.

"No!" the boy exclaimed, fear in his tone. "You can't harm me here! Derek!"

"He's gone Stiles," the Nogitsune whispered like the gentlest breeze against his ear. "Maybe there never was a Derek... or Stiles."

"You're lying!"

"Stiles is not your name," the voice taunted. "That is not who you are... "

"Genim," Stiles spoke with a sudden surety, as though knowing his true name would finally break the Nogitsune's power.

A bright light burst forth as sudden as the light of day. A horrible voice seemed to cry out, echoing as though from a boundless distance.

Stiles released a breath of relief, feeling hope and safety spread in his chest, somehow knowing the dark spirit would torment him no more.

It was then he took note of his surroundings. The whiteness had not gone. He became aware of being in the vast halls of the mind.

The Nemeton was in the distance, its roots extending until enveloped in white mist. Stiles moved toward it. He took a hesitant step, placing one foot on it, and was suddenly jerked down into an unfamiliar, yet somehow familiar scene.

He was seated in some kind of chair facing a magnificent hall with white marble floors and stone pillars.

He became aware it was a throne he was seated in, and took note of his fine robes and the circlet on his head.

"My king."

He looked toward two magnificent wooden doors that were ajar.

Stiles was shocked at who he was sure it could not be- but it was! Derek entered the hall wearing black armor and a splendid, flowing red cape.

"My king," Derek repeated. "I have come to report that the weapon is nearly complete. It will be ready tomorrow at latest."

Stiles was sure this was not Derek. He also knew the name of this exact look-alike, the name having come suddenly: Lycaon.

"Excellent my general, Lycaon. I will come shortly. Soon the entire world will cower before me!"

Stiles could hardly believe the passion with which he'd spoken those words, or the hunger he felt for them to be true. Was this him?

The feeling was delicious evil. He'd experienced it unwillingly under the Nogitsune's power, but now it seemed natural, even pleasant.

He thought about world domination and experienced that wicked hunger again. Stiles Stilinski was a world away. He was Genim!

Yet something in the back of his mind doubted his thoughts. He felt like Genim, king of this kingdom millennia ago, but then he recalled being Stiles.

He felt like he was pulled forward again and he heard himself yell, seeing into the familiar surroundings of his bedroom in the present.

Damn his dad for insisting he come home! Stiles felt certain he wouldn't be having nightmares if he'd stayed at Derek's again.

Stiles reached for his cell on his bedside dresser, the person he intended to call already in mind...


End file.
